Why I Chose My Daughter Over My Career

I left my job almost two months ago now and there are still moments that I can’t believe I am in this place. I feel like I have lost part of my identity. In many ways, my career defined me and so much of what I believe in. I worked my butt off in college, earning a 3.8 GPA and a bachelors degree while working two jobs and then worked my way up the ladder to my last position. I guess you could say that I have always been career driven, although fresh out of high school I didn’t really have my priorities straight as a new college student leading me to drop out after two years. It was when I had my daughter that I realized I wanted better and so began my journey to working in the human services field. Who would have thought that years later I would be saying that ending my career was what was best for her.

Last spring my husband learned that he would be saying goodbye to his own career as a self-employed distributor; a career that he had established over the last 13 years. It was devastating news to our family and we spent months trying to figure out what the next best move would be. We looked for homes and jobs down south wondering if a big move would allow for better opportunity for us and we scouted the internet every chance we got for an opportunity close to home that was worthwhile so we wouldn’t be faced with the decision to leave every support we have. After months of searching, though, we were still coming up empty handed with no valuable leads for my husband. Eventually, we made the decision as a family that he would accept a job for an out of state oil company that would require him to work away from home. I don’t really know what either of us had expected from the changes that were about to take place in our family dynamic. We just wanted what was best for our family financially, so the job made sense. At the time I was working as a Care Coordinator for a human services agency and though I loved my job, I wasn’t exactly earning the ‘bread winner’ title.

Our lives changed very quickly once my husband began working away from home. Suddenly I was making arrangements with friends and babysitters to pick my daughter up from a new and much bigger school as she had just entered into the middle school; something my husband was fortunate enough to do before. I was rushing home from work to pick her up from wherever she was at and racing home to get dinner started, homework done and manage a little quality time with my girl who was desperately missing her dad. There was a moment when I lost all of the emotions I had been holding in just a couple weeks into my new venture as a single parent. Addie had called me from school crying that she didn’t know where her ride was and that she was stranded at school. I hung up the phone with tears in my eyes suddenly unsure if this was the life I wanted for our family. I was fortunate enough to work for an agency who cares so deeply for their employees and is so incredibly accommodating to the needs of their staff, but ultimately it wasn’t enough for me to stay. I carried on for a couple more months, but there were many other moments that involved tears, arguments, heavy conversations and just plain chaos.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little resentful towards my husband at the time. I was taking on the role of a single parent and I felt like I was drowning most days. I felt like I couldn’t help the families that I was working with because I was so overcome in my own situation. Because of that, I felt obligated to turn down a job offer I received in the fall; a job that I had dreamed about getting since the start of my career but because I feared that the schedule and required work would pull me even more away from my daughter, I remorsefully turned it down. I was resentful, sad, lonely, overwhelmed and also bearing the weight of my daughters emotions with all of the changes taking place. My heart wasn’t where it needed to be and after many emotionally draining conversations with my poor husband who was dealing with his own stress, we ultimately decided that leaving my job would allow for me to be the parent that I need to be and to focus on what is next for our family. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made and it makes me emotional even going back to that moment when I told my supervisor that my time would be ending there. I said goodbye to people I love, an agency that I believe in and clients that I cared so deeply for. On my second to last day at work, one of my clients came in with her guardian to say goodbye. It was a goodbye that ended in tears between all three of us and for a split second I thought maybe I had made the wrong decision. It was when I watched my smiling girl running out of school later that day when I picked her up that I realized I am right where I am supposed to be.

Every moment in our child’s life is important, even when they are of school age, and for me it is important for me to be fully present for those moments. I spent the first two years of Addison’s life working two jobs so that we were financially safe, and I missed a lot. I can’t ever get those moments back. And now, because I have a choice, I decided not to miss any more of her life. No more shuffling her off to our gracious babysitter (though we adore her) so I can work an hour later. No more rushed or strained mornings to get out the door. No more just existing to get through the day and accomplish everything on my to do list. No more guilt because of not being able to be the parent I want to be – and that is there. Right there with my sweet girl – picking her up from school and then sending her off again without a hurried wave goodbye. There to listen to her when she tells me about her day. There to say goodnight without a thousand worries on my mind. There to ease her mind when she is sad because her dad isn’t home and not feeling guilty for being absent myself. There to see her grow and reach milestones and accomplishments. There to watch her play and laugh and to share memories with her. Sure, it’s been a challenge figuring out this new role of mine, but I have been blessed with an opportunity to enjoy every split second of being a mom and for that I will be forever grateful to my husband. And who knows, maybe this backup plan of being a Lifestyle Blogger will really take off for me. Either way, it is right now that matters – the rest will figure itself out.

As always, thanks for reading.