We Can’t Do This Alone

A couple of weeks ago someone had asked me when I was going to post another ‘inspirational’ blog. I was flattered to say the least, but to be completely honest, I haven’t been feeling very ‘inspirational’ lately. I’ve got worries on my mind and in my heart that are beyond my control but I can’t seem to let them go. I’ve been wrestling with doubts and fighting off the demons of fear for so long that I’ve secluded myself from the world around me. The idea of sharing this with anyone is extremely daunting, so instead, I’ve been hiding behind the mask of perfection. We all do this in our own way, don’t we? We live in a world full of judging eyes and opinionated mouths, so naturally we would throw a mask on and put on a façade that leads people to believe that everything is OK out of fear of being arbitrated. But isn’t that just another burden to stack onto our shoulders?

When our children are scared or upset, don’t we encourage them to talk to us? To lay their fears and worries on our shoulders? And don’t we comfort them in return? Suddenly after offering our love and validation our child feels more settled, right? So why should we be any different from the person we are trying to raise.

When I was living in one of my darkest moments I had friends that came out of the woodwork offering their support, a shoulder to cry on and even homemade dinners because somehow they just knew that something as little as attempting to prepare a meal would be a very difficult task to accomplish. I feared their judgment but they proved me wrong. I allowed myself to use their shoulders when I needed them the most and before I knew it I began to feel the weight lift from my own. But for some reason seeking out those shoulders has proven to be extremely intimidating. Why is that? Why are we so afraid to be vulnerable?

Of course life isn’t really all that bad, but I’ve discovered that fear and worry have a way of magnifying situations. It’s paralyzing, ya know? Suddenly, it becomes hard to see beyond whatever is burdening our lives. And if you’re like me (there has to be someone else out there like me) you allow your mask to hide these burdens because speaking of them makes them that much more real and surely we don’t want to inflict our problems on anyone else. And let’s be honest, we don’t want anyone to see past our less than perfect lives. I know I don’t. I want the world to see a smile and believe there is truth behind it, because that’s inspirational. But there’s beauty behind ashes, isn’t there? And sometimes we need a little help to come out of the fire. Maybe that’s the truth that’s really inspirational.

So that’s what I did. I had been hiding away so long that I forgot what the sunlight feels like against my skin and what fresh air does for my soul. I went outside with a great book that had been sitting on my nightstand for two months and I let my skin soak up the bright sun while taking in the fresh air. And then I read something encouraging that I so desperately needed to hear. Because I need inspiration too. Let me explain.

Becky Thompson is an incredible author and in her book, Hope Unfolding, she writes:

“You know, I have read many articles that say if you want to have a better relationship with your spouse, you need to do x, y, z. If you want more peace in your home, then you need to do x, y, z. And many of those ideas just might work. They might produce temporary joy, temporary love, and temporary peace. But they will run out. Love and patience and peace that we try to manufacture with our own hands will always run out because these things aren’t coming from the over flow of our hearts.”

And then:

“Rather than stay close to Jesus and let Him carry it all for us, we often just give Him some of it. ‘Here Jesus. You can hold the things that I can’t, but I can clearly manage the rest of this on my own.’ When really, we should just give him everything.”

Is it just me, or does this put a lump right in your throat and hit you right in the feels? Maybe it hit me just right because I found it to perfectly fit with my own life. Look, this isn’t about God, or beliefs. This is so much more. It has to do with the burdens of life that we all too often carry on our shoulders alone. We aren’t meant to walk through life alone. Whether you let the weight become His, or someone that you love and trust, let someone carry the weight with you.

We can hide behind the mask of happiness and perfection all we want, but at the end of the day we are still tired. And we are still worried and fearful. So in attempt to find my faith again through the darkness of fear and worry I contacted someone that I trust. And then I poured my heart out to the other end of the phone. I took my mask off. And you know what?  I hung up feeling like weights had been lifted. I shared my burdens with someone else; but not for them to keep. Hear me friend. Sometimes we need to acknowledge our pain with others so that we can feel validated. So that they can help us to see another perspective because we can become blinded by our own manifestations of a problem. I can sleep a little better tonight knowing that I’m not the only one that feels the way I do. (What do you know, there are people like me) That how I feel is OK and maybe light can be found in the solutions that were offered.

Maybe you are a new parent and are trying to figure this new role out. Maybe you’re trying to navigate a new road in your marriage, or you’re struggling to meet a deadline at your job or striving to please your boss. Maybe you’ve just come to a cross road in your life where not a whole lot makes sense and you’re confused about what the next route is. Is your seven year old challenging everything that you say like mine? Or maybe she’s growing up right before your eyes and you just need to cry to someone about it. Maybe you hate your job and you are desperate for a way out. Has someone that you love left you in the dark about your relationship? I don’t know, maybe you’re a lot more like me than you thought and you’re just over analyzing the way someone looked at you or something someone said to you.

Whatever your struggle may be, remember that you don’t have to do it alone. One thing I know for sure in my chaotic, crazy and confusing life is that I am glad that I don’t have to. Many thanks to my new found friend for uplifting me today. And to my book, the sun and the fresh air because it spoke to my soul.