To the Man Who Raised Me, I Give You My Blessing

My five year old memories are a little hazy, but I remember this to be the year of my life that you entered. The year of my life that life forever changed. You had no idea what you were getting into. But how could you as you had no children of your own. I was a confused little girl who had no idea how to be a daughter to a Father as mine had left me wondering, but you held on and attempted to show me. It’s no secret that we struggled in maintaining a relationship. I stretched your love thin and pushed you away. You pushed right back not knowing how to handle me yet you never walked out the door.

Today, you may not know it, but I haven’t forgotten. I haven’t forgotten about the many nights you would come to my rescue when I cried of an earache in the middle of the night. Or when you doctored my bloody elbows and knees almost every summer night after falling from my bike. I remember catching cray fish in Grandpa’s creek while you told me stories of your own childhood in that same creek. I remember Cat Stevens playing in the car while you shared lessons of life with me hoping that they would stick. I remember playing catch with you in the backyard and how you patiently reminded me over and over again to turn my glove so that I could catch the ball. I remember how you would ask me to go on walks with you always repeating that I need to walk on the inside because it’s your job to protect me. I didn’t know what you were protecting me from then, but I get it now.

I haven’t forgotten the way you held me when I would cry for the man who left me, when you secretly wished that it was you that I was crying for. I didn’t understand it then, but you assured me that I didn’t deserve a man that left me wondering why I wasn’t good enough to stay and love me. You reminded me time and time again that you would never leave. That you loved me and that I was good enough. I know I didn’t listen. I know I made it difficult for you to love me. I remember how you struggled as I got older. I tested you and you certainly lost your patience. Who could blame you really. I was a stubborn child who never let you forget that you were my abandoners shadow. We fought tooth and nail and sometimes we’d go days without even so much as looking in one anothers direction. But I remember when you finally gave in. You’d yell at first and remind me of my faults. And then you’d reassure me that you loved me and that you just wanted what was best for me.

For many years I didn’t allow you to be my Father. You lived with the consequences of my first Dad’s decisions just as I allowed them to mold our relationship into the turbulent one it was. But today, I want you to know that I give you my blessing. Today I want you to know that you are and always have been my Father. My Dad, my rescuer, my knight in shining armor. Sure, we struggled to bond. But today, I have one of the greatest gifts you could have given me. My first Dad had erased me, but when you appeared into my life you changed it and I never had to wonder if you would be the next one to leave me. You taught me how to be who I am today. That I am worthy of love and what it means to love back. You taught me that a Father’s love is unconditional and because of that I have found in my husband what I have found in you.

Today we celebrate you and express gratitude for the relationship that we have. But today I also want you to know that you are celebrated everyday and everyday I am grateful for the bond that we have. Today, and everyday, I give you my blessing to be my Dad. Because you have always been and always will be. Thank you for being the Dad that my first one couldn’t. For contributing to who I am today and showing me the ways of life. For making life fun and for coming to my rescue every time I need you. For loving me no matter what decisions I make and for forgiving me for the mistakes I made. I love you Dad. Happy Father’s Day!