Weeding Out the Garden

I don’t have the gift of a green thumb. I once attempted to plant a garden with high hopes of having succulent watermelons and cucumbers, bright red tomatoes and a plump orange pumpkin to show off on the front porch when the leaves began to fall. I planted the garden right behind our garage without considering how much daylight my little patch of fruit and veggie seeds would receive. When midafternoon came around each day that summer, the sun had already made its rotation to sit behind the trees and the side of our house, only shining on one end of the garden. By the end of the summer the only goods we had to show for were a few short rows of yellow squash. In hindsight, I recognize the number of things that I did wrong, but I haven’t been brave enough to attempt to plant another garden.

To grow a garden one must plant it where the sun will directly reach it throughout the course of the day. We must prepare the soil for the seeds that will grow and we must replenish it with water each day so that the buds will grow strong and tall. In order to keep intruders from taking over your garden, you must spend time carefully digging out the weeds. I’m sure I missed a few steps but you get the idea.

We could think of our lives much like a garden. Just as seeds grow, so do we. With each new experience we gain new perspective. If we do not properly water and care for our garden, newly sprouting seeds will never have the ability to grow. A positive outlook that we planted will start to wilt when not tended to, and negative thoughts are left to grow wildly, just like weeds. As we plant and replenish the garden of life, we must select thoughts, people, choices and experiences that will allow us grow into beautiful flowers. Of course life is ever changing, but we have the ability to continue to grow rather than continue to wilt.

My own garden of life gets a little dry sometimes. Sometimes it lacks the sunlight it needs to grow. And many times, there are so many growing weeds that it’s next to impossible to see the true beauty of it. Let me elaborate. I let negativity and toxic people weigh me down. I allow my thoughts to become a burden and senseless notions consume me. Of course, I’ll never really infinitely perfect any aspect of my life; or my garden. My garden will grow during a bountiful season but there will be seasons of no rain or ray of light. There will be unwanted plants that may require an inordinate amount of time of weeding. But where there is light and love, beauty will grow. Weeding out the activities, people, bad habits and thoughts that deplete our energy is necessary so that we can make room for things that are important; so that we can allow our gardens to grow.

1. Focus on the true and genuine connections in your life. I once read that you are the average of the five people that you spend the most time with. Another words, you become what you surround yourself with. Both positivity and negativity are contagious and can spread like wildfire. If you spend your time with a negative person, eventually you too, will spread negativity to those around you. I have let negative people stick around that did not value me for the selfless reason that I felt too guilty to push them away. Not only did I let their negativity become me, I also lived life as a heartbroken friend. Find people that share your passion for life; that see the good through the bad. That will pick you up when you are down. That will make time for you at the end of their busy day, because those who don’t clearly don’t have a place for you in their lives.
2. Stop looking to others for approval. I have always had a hard time making decisions. Mostly because I worry how they will affect me and those around me, but also because I worry about how people perceive me. As I have gotten older, though, I worry less about the crowd and more about what truly makes me happy. I realize that the rest of the world is a bad indicator for what’s really right for me because most of them are probably fighting for the approval of others too. I want to be authentic and true to myself; to stand out in the crowd and stick to my own rules. The need for validation can be extremely harmful to our true character and can cause us to make unreasonable decisions and become people we aren’t. Don’t become a slave to someone else’s impractical views of how your own life is supposed to be lived.
3. Leave the past where it belongs. Each day we have a choice to wake up and be better than the day before. Each new day isn’t necessarily a chance to start over, but an opportunity to be better versions of ourselves. I used to toss and turn in bed at night thinking about the stupid thing I said to my boss or dwell on something hurtful I did 12 years ago. Dwelling on it wasn’t going to change the fact that it happened, so I had no choice but to leave it in the past and move forward. I had to decide to let the dumb thing I did make me a better person and shape how I will move forward. Replaying the unpleasant moments of our lives doesn’t allow room for growth. They weigh us down and allow our already negative thoughts magnify the situation. Sweep that nonsense under the carpet and move on.
4. Let go and forgive. There are people in my life that have hurt me who I never thought would. They have treated me like the gum on the bottom of their shoe, used me for all I had and ran my name through the mud. For many years I allowed those people to leave their mark on me and I believed that I wasn’t worthy of their love or care. My counselor once told me that forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other persons responsibility for hurting you; it just brings you the peace you need to move on with your life. Forget what hurt you but never forget what taught you. Let go of the bitterness and make way for happiness, health and peace. Once you discover the true meaning of forgiveness, you will no longer define your life with how you’ve been hurt. You will find compassion and understanding and it may even lead to reconciliation.
5. Love yourself. It’s not something that you can talk yourself into. It’s something that you learn overtime as you grow. There is nothing more important in this life than love and it first starts with you. For years I would look in the mirror and try and picture the person I thought I needed to be instead of looking at who I truly was. I am imperfect and I am flawed, but I am without a doubt worthy of love. Once I started to love myself I found it easier to love the life I lead. Life is a voyage of self-discovery; it is continuous and we are ever changing. To truly and genuinely love yourself is to love freely and unconditionally; it is to accept all of the different parts of yourself. Once you are able to do that, your entire life will change. Because we are all interconnected, together, through our love, we can heal ourselves, each other, and the world. Love is our purpose in this world and it begins with and within each of us.

Our garden of life should bring us peace and tranquility. It should be a place of preservation where we can relax and find joy. Be selective with what you plant into your garden and be sure to water it frequently. Of course, I don’t claim to be an expert on what makes your garden grow; I just know what works for my own. When we feel good, have people in our lives that positively impact us, and truly love ourselves, we have the ability to grow positive seeds and are better prepared to move through dry seasons in our lives.