33 things to 33

I was 25 when I met one of my dearest friends – she had a few more years on me and plenty more experience. She once told me that her thirties had been her best years yet and a time when she began to stop caring so much about what others thought of her. My gosh, to think back on that age when I knew so little and cared way too much. Eight years ago, when my girlfriend shared her heart with me, I was so young and inexperienced. I thought I knew it all – I thought I had the wisdom and understanding to tell the world how it should be. I can’t help but laugh at that girl because she didn’t have a clue! At the fresh age of 33 I still don’t, but here’s what I do know – my thirties have been the best years yet and I seriously don’t care much about what the world thinks of me anymore. I have been through some hard stuff. I have experienced deep loss and pain and almost lost my own life. I have witnessed miracles, watched my children grow and have carried people through their own darkness. I don’t know it all, but I know a lot more than I ever did at 25 and I am here to tell you 33 things that got me here.

1.  Speaking of friends, hold them close. The good ones – because those are the ones that are going to carry you through your darkest days and one day, you’ll do the same for them. It will be a continuum of your journey together throughout life.

2.   And there will be phases of your path together where you won’t talk for days, maybe even weeks. Life is busy and a never-ending roller-coaster ride so don’t take it personal because your paths will cross again when things slow down.

3.  One last thing on that – always, always check in. Even if it’s been 3 months. Just send a ‘thinking of you’ text because you never know what that friend is going through and it’s important to let them know you care.

4.  But also know this – you do not have to keep someone around that is toxic to you just because you have a history together or because they are family. Let go and move on. Because your peace and happiness are WAY more important than mending a relationship that will always be broken.

5.  You must love yourself before you can BE loved. I didn’t understand this until 2 years into my relationship with my now husband. Luckily, he stuck around long enough for me to do that.

6.  God first, always. Then your husband, then your kids. For so long I put me first. And when I had Addie, she came first, even before my husband. But when I got to know God, I began putting Him first and everything else in my life had deeper meaning. When we serve our God whole heartedly, our joy and peace will prosper!  

7.  Love God and His people – All the people. Yes, even the ones that don’t belong in your own life. The toxic ones, the sinners and the ones who have wronged you. Because holding grudges and placing judgement is not our call.

8.  Forgive – even if it’s only in your heart. Because the weight of resentment robs you of the joy you deserve, and forgiveness is more about freedom for yourself.

9.  Be bold, be brave, stand out and stand up for who you are, but do it with kindness and a humble heart. People don’t admire a jerk or someone who likes to show off.

10.   Your accomplishments, the money you make and the things you own do not make you who you are. Your heart does. See above ^.

11.   Treat others before you treat yourself. Sister, I promise you don’t need those fancy boots or that cute new top you saw hanging in the window at your favorite store.

12.   But when you can, treat yourself! That may mean some self-care time. Like a 30-minute workout before the kids wake up or a trip to the grocery store without the littles in tow.

13.   Lots and lots of grace. Because you’re going to get it wrong more than you ever get it right, but girl, no one ever got it right the first time, or even the second.

14.   Progress over perfection. I used to think that living in a perfect home, free of clutter and dust – having a perfect body free of stretch marks and loose skin – and having the perfect plan to all things in life would somehow make me happier. None of those things did. But letting all of them go, does. Life will never go as planned and we cannot possibly have an HGTV worthy home all the time. Also, let’s face it – growing babies in our bellies is a beautiful thing but can also leave us looking different than we did before. Embrace it, sister because some people would give just about anything for stretch marks in return for a baby.

15.   Compliment others because we live in a world where people struggle every single day and not everyone is kind. Your one small gesture could change sometimes entire day, or life!

16.   It is better to dress comfortably than to dress to impress. Seriously. Leggings and/or sweats are acceptable if that’s what makes you happy. But if high heels and flashy jewelry are comfortable to you too, do you!

17.   No one has it all together, not one person. Trust me. People don’t always show you the messy, the ugly and the broken because it’s easier to talk about the good, the beautiful and the put together. So, when you’re scrolling through all the perfect, curated Instagram feeds know that somewhere behind the pretty lies some broken.   

18.   Learn how to say no and not feel guilty about it. Because you know how I said life is a never-ending roller-coaster ride and you need to do self-care? Well if you’re constantly obligating yourself to others, then you’re taking away from you and what’s important. Find a balance, do only WHAT you can and say yes WHEN you can. Take care of you and the rest will take care of itself.

19.   You cannot and will not please everyone. And you absolutely should not worry about doing so.

20.   Eat the freaking dessert! My gosh, I think we would be so much happier if we stopped being so hard on ourselves. And before the dessert, why don’t you go ahead and eat the appetizer! It is OK to splurge occasionally, ok?

21.   Step out of your comfort zone, do something wild, stop overthinking and just do the thing! This right here is completely out of my comfort zone. I put myself entirely out there for the world to see and criticize but I’m here because it’s my dream to inspire and to tell the world ME TOO! Because I want you to find your voice and to follow your wildest dreams. So, do whatever it is that you’ve been wanting to do, find your purpose and just do YOU – unapologetically <3

22.   Find an outlet and visit it daily. Mine is running and writing. I don’t do it often enough but when I do, I feel so refreshed. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so fill yours up with the goods as often as you can!

23.   A grateful heart does not come without worry or frustration. So, when you’re beating yourself up after yelling at the kids, or when you’re complaining about your job, know this: you can be utterly grateful, thankful and freaking blessed, but sister all of those things that you’re grateful for can also wear on your heart. It all comes from the same place and that’s the deepest depth of love.

24.   Skip the mascara and bronzer once in a while and go au’ naturel. Bare skin is beautiful, flaws and all.

25.   No one cares about that dumb thing you said. Seriously. They aren’t lying in bed dwelling on it like you are.

26.  The credit card isn’t worth the debt – promise.

27.  Feel your feelings. Even if it hurts. Part of being OK is knowing that you are not OK.

28.  Big belly laughs are the best medicine. Surround yourself around people who get you and share your sense of humor.

29.  God does His best work in the quiet. If you’re in a season of waiting, don’t get discouraged. Give it to God and know that He has big plans for you.

30.  Leave the mess. Get down on the floor with your kids to play and clean up later. I spent way too much time following behind Addie when she was younger so I could clean up her mess. Now that she’s older and could care less about toys, I wish I would have spent less time cleaning up after her mess and more time playing with her in it.

31.  Find your church – one that you don’t just call home on Sundays.

32.  Be the light. Shine so bright that you light up the world with your energy, your talent, your voice or whatever it is that you have to offer. God gave you a purpose and the world needs you to use it.

33. We only get so much time in this life. It’s so cliché, I know. But you really don’t know until you know. When I went into labor with my twin boys a few years ago, my body went septic and into shock. I don’t remember a lot but when I finally started to respond to all of the antibiotics that were flushed into my system while in the ICU, my husband held me close and told me he thought he was leaving the hospital without me. It was a huge wake up call. You HAVE to live each of your days knowing that the next day or even the next moment isn’t promised to you.

Sister, listen. Even after all of this, I still don’t really know what I’m doing. No one does. We’re all just winging it – but life is really just about how you handle the unknown and being resilient in spite of failing again and again. I know all of this right now, but life will continue to change and so will I. We can only keep growing big and being the best versions of ourselves – and every new day is another opportunity to do so.